the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
