She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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