who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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