Its about making memories worth repressing
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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