I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize