I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
