If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
