someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
