just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
