Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
