My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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