i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
