make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
