He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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