lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
