I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ketchup is God's man juice
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
