she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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