I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
