I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
