Who did Billy Mays play for?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
