i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
