You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
