she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize