I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
