I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
