i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
