its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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