The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
