Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
