we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
