I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize