You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
