if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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