i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
