Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
