Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
