she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
