I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
