there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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