Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
