i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I FOUND THE LEGS
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
