Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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