so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
