Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
