you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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