I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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