I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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