I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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