I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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