If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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