May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
