And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
