The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
