There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
