I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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