And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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