tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
