You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
