My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
