I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
