Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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