marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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