I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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