Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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