Got a toothbrush?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
