when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
