Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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