if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
